Always in My Head
by StarkTokioNight
Summary: He had always been told to never peer into another Force-Sensitive's mind without proper training. Against better judgement, Kylo peered into Rey's mind, and she into his. Now their consciousnesses are tethered. How will this affect them? Started out as a drabble that turned into a full fic. Rated T, but rating may go up later. Reylo/Kylorey.
1. Just a Dream

**"Please don't leave me! Come back, please!"**

Kylo Ren growled in frustration. The eyes that had only just closed to sleep moments ago, opened, staring into the darkness.

It had all started a few days after he fought _that girl_. It began as strange waves of emotions, which grew into thoughts that weren't his own, even visions if he was alone in a quiet room; as he was now. He had always been told to be careful when reading the mind of another Force-Sensative, that there could be consequences. A door once opened to a flood could not be easily shut. In his desperation to find the map to Luke Skywalker, he had entered into her mind against better judgement, not fully trained to be able to shield his own. He had read her mind, and she his. From that moment they were tethered together. Her presence was always there, like a ghost just in his peripheral. He only assumed she experienced the same. A small part of him felt pleased at the thought.

 **"Please!"**

He sighed, the image of the little girl with her arm stretched out to the ship flying away seemed to be burned into his eyelids. She was having a nightmare, he'd been able to garner that much from the fact that most of his nights were plagued with this same vision. He was losing sleep, and this made him more irritable than usual. Phasma would be less than pleased if he were to put more of her Stormtroopers out of commission. Kylo would go to his master for help, if he wasn't afraid of the punishment he would receive from leaving his mind open to the girl, which could help the Resistance. _His mother_. An unsettling feeling hit him then. Images of his father, Han Solo, falling into the abyss assaulted him. _Monster_. No, he wasn't a monster, it had to be done, it was the only way he could embrace his destiny. Still doubt tugged at the recesses of his mind. Why did he always have to doubt?

Rey's cries grew louder than usual. Kylo wondered with genuine curiosity if his tumultuous emotions were effecting her. It couldn't go on this way. Having Rey in his head at all times was not only a liability, it was exhausting. He sat up in bed, closing his eyes and breathing in deep. Perhaps if he meditated hard enough he could sever the connection. He delved deep into his mind, attempting to find the invisible cord which anchored their consciousnesses together. He focused his thoughts on her; her face, her voice, her eyes, even the weight of her body in his arms; something he remembered too well. Finally he found her there, like a light in the darkness. Perhaps if he could just find a way to snuff it out, she would be gone.

He hesitated. Kylo tried to tell himself that maybe the connection could become beneficial, he could use it against the Resistance. He couldn't admit that some small part of him liked the thought of not being alone. He had always felt alone. The son of the infamous Han Solo and Princess Leia Organa. His mother's position as General, and his father's restlessness from years of smuggling across the galaxy meant that he was often left to his own devices. There weren't many children around, so he usually had his head in a book, or playing with whatever droid was around. When he was old enough, his mother had shipped him off to be trained as a Jedi by his uncle Luke.

Rey had been abandoned by her parents, and so had he. This made Kylo feel oddly connected to her.

Against his better judgement, he resolved to fix the issue in another way. Instead of pulling back, he focused on her presence, let it consume him. To his surprise, he suddenly found himself within her dream. He could feel the sand whipping at his face, the sun scorching his skin. A young girl was kneeled next to him, alone and crying.

He stood there, not sure what to do. "Rey?" Kylo' voice came out weak, unsure. She acted as if he wasn't there at all. "Rey." He voice was stronger now, determined. Young Rey looked up at him puzzled. For a moment Kylo panicked, not knowing what to do. She seemed afraid of him, and he really couldn't blame her. _Monster_. He ignored the word echoing in his head, uttered by the older version of the girl staring at him now.

"Come with me, I want to show you something." He held out his hand to her. Rey seemed reluctant, but Kylo patiently stood there, minding that his expression stay soft. Finally, her small hand timidly found its way into his.

They began walking and the desert wasteland around them started melting away. The sand underfoot replaced by cushy moss, trees shading them from the blistering sun. He heard an excited gasp from the girl, and kept walking ahead, knowing exactly where to go. The trees opened up to a small clearing where the moss was particularly thick on the ground. Sitting against a log in the middle, reading a book, was a young boy with dark hair. The boy looked up hearing them approach. Kylo stopped and looked down at the young Rey; her once tear filled eyes replaced with wonder. He let go of her hand and motioned towards the boy. She ran over to him without a second thought. The boy was much easier to trust than the man.

Kylo had thought the girl would be comforted by someone her own age, and luckily he had been right. He allowed himself to watch them only for a moment, embroiled in some sort of conversation he couldn't hear. Even if it was just a dream, he was glad that his younger self wasn't alone for once. Kylo turned his back on the children, and stopped suddenly, confronted with very familiar hazel eyes. The fully grown version of Rey stood facing Kylo, a confused and shocked expression on her face.

Kylo Ren's eyes shot open, his body flushed. He felt like he had when Rey bested him during their duel. Embarrassment. He hoped to simply manipulate her dream unnoticed, instead he had been caught red handed. He waited for some sign of her anger, but nothing came. Kylo laid back down, closing his eyes. Everything was quiet. _Finally_. Slowly he drifted off to sleep.

That night both Kylo Ren and Rey got a peaceful night's sleep; dreaming of a little boy and a little girl together in a forest.


	2. Memories and Mirrors

Hello everyone! Thank you so much for liking my story, and for the favs and follows! ^-^ I've decided to change the title, and change this to a collection of interrelated drabbles. Enjoy!

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He rips of his mask in frustration, slinging it across his room. His body aching with every movement. Kylo Ren's training session with Supreme Leader Snoke had not gone well today.

 _"You're distracted! Sloppy...weak."_

Snoke's words replayed in his head to the point of madness. He was a disgrace to his grandfather's name.

Kylo went over to the sink, splashing water on his face. He hissed as it burned the angry red wound _she_ had left there. As if he needed a physical reminder of her presence.

He looked up into the mirror, broken by his hand so many times they had stopped replacing it. He avoided looking at his own face as much as he could, reminded too much of his parents. The broken glass distorted his features, but not enough. His face was similar to his father's in structure; but his eyes, his eyes were his mother's.

 _"Ben!"_

Han Solo's voice rang in his ears like a gunshot. He gripped the sides of the sink tightly. He had felt her, his mother, the moments after his father's death. He knew she had always been force-sensitive, but chose not to explore her gifts fully. Still he felt her; felt her pain, her grief at his father's death. _She knew._ He shut his eyes tightly, not wanting to look at her likeness anymore. _"Even if I could go back, she would never forgive me."_ Guilt ran through his body, but he pushed it out, replacing it with anger instead. He had to do it, it was the only way. Why should he care? She wasn't his mother anymore. She has stopped being that when she sent him away.

He focused his thoughts elsewhere; to Rey. She had rejected him, bested him, _humiliated_ him. He had fleetingly hoped she would accept his offer on Starkiller Base, to teach her the ways of the force. She was strong with the force, perhaps, even stronger than him. She had so much potential, and yet it was being wasted! Somewhere deep down, the part that was always being tempted by the light, wondered if the dark side truly was stronger. But was her wasted potential really the only reason he was angry she had run from him? He opened his eyes only to be met with a familiar face staring at him in the mirror. He spun around, breathing heavily, but Rey wasn't there.

Had their connection really grown to this? It was a mistake to have ever entered into her mind, one he should have known better than commit. If he was distracted, it was because he was no longer just himself; Rey was there too. He could feel her emotions, see her dreams, and now apparently, he could _see_ _her_ as well. He was angry she has managed to figure out how to exploit their connection before he had.

"Leave me alone." He growled.

"You've done this to yourself! I didn't ask to be here!" Her disembodied voice bit back.

"I'm sure you didn't. My uncle teaching you to spy on me? Tell him I said hello." His voice was laced with disdain and sarcasm. Kylo knew from visions he had received from her, that Rey had found his uncle Luke.

"No he isn't! I don't want to be in your head, any more than you want to be in mine! I haven't even told him yet..." Rey seemed hesitant to tell him this, and honestly the information was a surprise.

"Why not?" He was genuinely curious about this. Surely she had to know that their connection could become beneficial to the Resistance. He could feel her reluctance to answer through their connection. "Out with it desert rat." He sighed impatiently.

"Don't call me that." She growled, which caused him to smirk. He had to admit, he enjoyed pushing her buttons. "I don't know. I suppose I would rather find a way to get rid of you, then to have you in my head constantly if they wanted to exploit the situation." Her reasoning made sense enough, but he had a feeling she wasn't saying everything.

"Why are we like this exactly?" He could feel her confusion and exasperation.

"Force-sensitives aren't supposed to go into each other's minds when they aren't trained to do so. I hadn't yet completed my training. I knew you were sensitive to the force, but I chose to look into your mind anyway."

"And I looked into yours..."

"Yes, and I'm not sure how to fix it. _Yet._ " He felt suspicion creep through their connection.

"Why have you not told your Master of this?" Smart girl, annoyingly so.

"The same reasons I suppose. He would also punish me for being so foolish, and opening my mind to the Resistance. He may see it as too much of a liability..."

"Sounds like someone I'd love to follow." Rey said dryly. He envisioned her eyes rolling as she spoke.

"The Supreme Leader does was he must to restore order to the Galaxy. If you had only accepted my offe-"

"I will never accept!" Her anger flared. Kylo wondered with mild amusement how she intended to be a Jedi with such hostility. "And keep telling yourself those lies. One day you may actually believe them." He was about to bite back at her, but he felt their connection begin to fade. She was gone. Well, not _completely_ gone, but he knew he was alone with his thoughts for now.

"Stupid girl." He murmured, but there was no anger in it. He should hate her, and yet, he still couldn't bring himself to do it easily. Kylo Ren looked into the mirror one last time, at his brown eyes that held little warmth.

 _"Goodbye Master Ben! If we meet again, you will be a Jedi, just like Master Luke!" Said a golden plated protocol droid, to a sniffling little boy clinging to his mother._

Kylo Ren turned away from the mirror, away from his memories, retrieving the mask which hid his face from everyone, including himself.

Across the galaxy, Rey stood overlooking the sea, in the ruins of the Jedi temple. She had also heard the droid's words, and seen the little boy. She shut her eyes as sadness swept over her.


	3. Training Session

Again thank you so so much for all the review, favs, and follows! This started out as just a one-shot, but all the encouragement has made me want to write more! :)

"Ouch!"

Rey had received another shock from the Marksman-H training droid. Master Luke had explained that training with the droid would help her to rely on the force, and strengthen her abilities in lightsaber combat. At current, the only thing she had succeeded in doing was destroying one of the droids on accident, and getting more shocks than she would like.

"Concentrate Rey." Luke's voice came from the darkness. The helmet that covered her eyes was extremely cumbersome and irritating. Rey tried to clear her mind, feeling the flow of the force around her. She could sense the droid floating just to the left of her, getting ready to fire. She quickly put up her lightsaber to block, and received another shock. She let out an exasperated groan. How had she managed to defeat Kylo in a dual only weeks ago, and yet now she somehow couldn't manage to conquer a child's training tool?

"Rey, you have to trust in the force. Feel it around you, let it guide you. I know this is hard. You're used to relying on your eyes." Luke was a reassuring teacher, and very patient.

"Your stance is wrong. You're leaving yourself open." Came Kylo's voice unexpectedly. _Perfect._

Another failed block.

"You're thinking to much." Kylo sighed.

"You stay out of it!" Rey all but yelled in her head; teeth clenched hard, half in anger, and half because she didn't want to accidentally speak to him out loud.

"Only trying to help." She could practically feel him smirking.

"Don't you have villages to slaughter or something?" Her anger was rising by the second.

"Not currently." He attempted to sound bored, but there was a moody undertone to his voice. "You're about to get shocked again."

Blocked.

Rey sighed in relief.

"Better." Came Kylo and Luke's voices at the same time.

"Be quiet!" She hissed just under her breath.

"What was that?" Luke asked.

"Oh, umm, nothing sorry!" _Damn him._

"That's enough for today I think." Luke's voice was tired. Rey knew training her reminded him too much of training all the jedi he'd lost. It brought up a lot of painful memories.

"He's being too easy on you." As Rey took the helmet off, she wasn't expecting to see the physical manifestation of Kylo standing beside Luke. The image was beyond jarring. _That_ new development to their mental connection had been the hardest to get used to. She tried to avoid looking at him as much as possible.

"You did good today Rey. You're making progress." Despite Luke's words, Rey felt disappointment bubbling up within her. Maybe she was being too hard on herself, but she felt like she should be much further along by now. She blamed it on _him_.

"Thank you Master." Rey gave Luke a weak smile, before the jedi turned and walked away, leaving Rey alone with Kylo in the stone ruins of the temple.

"Like I said, he isn't pushing you hard enough. If you were training with a dueling-droid I think you would see more progr—"

"Was our last duel not enough for you? Would you like me to kill you next time we meet?" Rey laughed harshly. Kylo's eyebrow quirked, amused at her words.

"You could try. Based on your performance today, I doubt you'd succeed."

"Gods! You know I'll never side with you! Why do you care?" The question went beyond the training. He hadn't initiated communication for the most part, save a few nights that he had kept her nightmares at bay; and days like today. She could always _feel_ him. He was always there, his emotions running high and easily sensed. At best he was comforting without meaning to be. At worst he was a pain in her ass. Why hadn't he tried use their connection to his advantage?

"I just want to make sure it's a fair fight." His tone was joking, but his eyes were burning with something she couldn't quite place. She turned away from the intensity of his gaze, staring out to the sea. She could still feel his eyes on her. Rey considered telling him to go bother someone else, but figured every moment spent with her was one he wasn't spending indulging his darker side.

A heavy silence fell between them.

"Growing up on Jakku, I never would have thought this much water even existed." She kept her eyes on the horizon, taking a seat on a fallen stone.

"No, I would imagine water was quite the commodity in the desert." Rey gave a small huff. She could remember the hours she slaved for a little bit of water, and barely enough food to stave off the weakness. She refused to look at him. When he wore the mask it was easier, he seemed less human. She understood why he wore it. His face was a sea of emotion that he either couldn't, or didn't bother trying to contain at all. His face gave too many things away. The burning intensity of his eyes were unlike anything she had seen.

"You're thinking of your family." It wasn't a question, he knew already. Flashes of the little girl came to both of their minds.

"Why else would you leave a child on a planet like that, unless you wanted them to die?" In her time spent away from home, Rey had grown bitter. On Jakku she spent every day hoping her family would return. She waited endlessly, knowing one day she would see them again. What a fool she'd been. She looked at him then, but he seemed to be looking right through her.

"Maybe, for whatever reason, they believed leaving you on Jakku was the only way for you to live." His response surprised her. Was he actually attempting to make her feel better?

"What could have been so bad?" Her voice was desperate, cracking. So many years alone. So many wasted hopes. She was trying hard to hold back her emotions, but he felt them anyway. Her eyes pleading with him to answer something he couldn't. His gaze softened slightly. He took a step towards her.

"Rey-"

Chewbacca had called out, interrupting the tense moment between them. Rey stood quickly, peering behind a column to see the Wookie not far away.

"I'm coming!" She turned back around to find she was alone.

Rey was more confused than ever about Kylo's intentions. He had done so many horrible things, and yet, he was capable of soft moments. She had seen the little boy in his head. She wondered how that Ben Solo became the monster Kylo Ren. " _If he really is a monster."_ She shook the thought out of her head quickly, afraid he would hear. He was a monster, she knew that, she had seen it. Despite this, she could still feel doubt creeping in.

Kylo Ren was anxious. His connection with Rey had only been an annoyance, until now. The more time he spent with her, the more he could feel the light seep into him. This connection would become detrimental to his destiny. Nothing could stop him from seeing his grandfather's vision come to fruition. He would finally bring balance to the galaxy. This girl would ruin everything. She could never find out his secrets.


	4. Over the Edge

As usual huge thanks and hugs to everyone who reviewed, followed, and favorited this story! It's kind of turned into this thing which I hadn't expected at all starting out, but its such a nice surprise! :) in case anyone is curious about getting a picture in their head for Kylo and Rey's connection, think of it just like Sense8 if you've seen it. That's what I'm picturing when I write! Thanks again, and enjoy!

 _Weeks later…_

Rey lay awake on her makeshift bed inside the Falcon. It was dark, but she could see the cycling light coming from R2D2 docked close beside her, charging up for the night. Chewie slept not far away, snoring lightly. This bed was more comfortable than what she had on Jakku; but it wasn't the feel of the bed that kept her up at night. Rey had a gnawing feeling in her gut, which only grew with every passing day of Kylo's silence. Ever since his intervention during her training session with Luke, he had grown more distant. She could still feel him there in her head, feel his emotions spill over into their link every now and then, but he had mainly kept to himself. He had only contacted her directly a handful of times in the past few weeks, and these interactions were very brief, only commenting on her training.

" _Why was he staying away?"_ The very fact Rey was questioning his whereabouts made her angry with herself. Why should she care where he was? It was a good thing he hadn't tried to bother her, to try to get information from her. Rey was struck with fear at the thought that maybe he had found out what he needed. Maybe he was on the way right at that moment, coming to kill them. Perhaps he was staying quiet so she wouldn't find out. Trying to shake these thoughts from her head, Rey got up, quietly sneaking past Chewie and R2.

It was a beautiful night. The moon was full, illuminating the cliffs and crashing waves beneath. As Rey climbed up to one of her favorite spots on the island, the wind caused a chill to run through her body. After all those years in the sweltering heat, she decided she'd much rather deal with the cold. She had almost reached the top of the cliff, seeing the large stone, which she often used to sit and meditate. Rey looked down when she thought of Kylo suddenly, of his pleading eyes as he had asked her to join him. He had seemed so desperate. _Why?_ Rey stopped dead in her tracts, when looking back up at her destination; she saw a tall, lean figure facing away from her. She didn't have to wonder who it was.

Kylo Ren stood at the cliff's edge, looking out to the sea. He wore only black pants; his back, toned and peppered with scars from years of training. The moonlight made him look as if he were made of stone. Rey exhaled shakily, never having seen him like this. She assumed he must have been in bed. He never turned to her, and never spoke a word. Hesitantly Rey went over to the stone and took a seat. At first she tried to only look at the crashing waves beneath them, until their silence became too much to bare. She looked over at him, keeping her eyes low. His chest and stomach were lean and muscular. She spotted the large scar on his side; the one Chewie had given him. She noticed a few others as well. Some looked years old, and looked relatively new. Rey realized she was becoming flushed, and diverted her eyes quickly to his face.

"What's wrong?" She had blurted it out before even giving her mind time to think it over. It was his eyes. They had burned with such intensity, so much sadness, and…loneliness. His head turned slightly in her direction, but he never met her gaze.

"Luke must have given you that lesson on compassion. Being a good little Jedi, and concerned for my wellbeing?" He replied, a small smirk playing on his lips. His words didn't have the bite that he intended. It was as if he was too tired to really fight back.

"Forget it." Right snapped, her brow furrowing in frustration. "We haven't spoken in over a week, why are you here now?" He turned to her finally. She could see the scar on his face from their duel. Somehow she thought that it suited him. The way Kylo looked at her, made it hard for Rey to keep eye contact. His eyes held the same pleading look as before. "Help me" they seemed to scream from their blackness.

"I like the view." Kylo said simply. "Space is so cold, so dark, and dead. I just wanted to see something…else." Suddenly Rey got the feeling that if he physically could, Kylo would fling himself over the edge and down to the angry waves below. Despite herself, Rey felt concerned. She had seen him unstable before, but this was something else. It wasn't quite unstable; it was like someone making a decision they knew they couldn't go back from; one they didn't want to make.

"Something changed." It wasn't question.

"No, nothing's changed." Kylo said, looking away from her again. "I'm so close. My destiny, my grandfather's legacy, will finally be fulfilled." _What?_ Was she right, did he know where they were? "No, I don't." He had read her thoughts. Rey let out the breath she had been holding.

"Well then I don't understand! What in the hell do you mean by your destiny being fulfilled?!" Kylo refused to answer. Rey leapt up from the stone, and came over to stand in front of him. She realized then how much larger he was than her. "Answer me dammit!" Anger boiled in her veins, and without thinking she went to hit him in the chest.

To both of their surprise, Kylo caught her arms, holding them against his bare chest. Rey stood there in stunned silence, her mouth open slightly, staring at his hands, which held her arms tightly. She wasn't sure what she had expected, but being able to physically feel him wasn't one of them. Her heart began to pound as she became acutely aware of how close they were. Besides her friend Finn, she had never been this close to a man. Even with Finn, it was a friendly sort of affection, what was happening now was different. Rey went to pull away, but he wouldn't let go of her arms.

"Let go." She demanded. They locked eyes, and the air between them changed, became thick. Instead of releasing her arms, he pulled her closer. Rey was amazed to be able to feel the heat radiating from his body. In the back of her mind, she worried that this was the real Kylo standing in front of her, not just a vision. His left hand traveled up her right arm until he reached her wrist. Slowly he moved it down his chest, until her hand settled over his heart. She could feel it pounding beneath her splayed fingers. He was breathing heavy.

"If only…" He sighed closing his eyes, "I was someone else."

"Kylo…" His name came out a shaky whisper. He opened his eyes, looking at her one last time, then disappeared. Rey was left standing at the top of the cliff stunned and alone, her arms still up where he had then. Her mind raced to catch up with what had just transpired between them.

There was noise suddenly, and Rey's head snapped over to see Luke standing in the shadows. How long had he been there? What had he seen? She began to panic.

"Rey." Luke said sternly, "We need to talk."


	5. The Truth

Wow the feedback on this story that I'm getting is simply amazing! Thank you all so much!

For the Guest Reviewer and Skywalker-Dynast – your reviews pushed me to finish writing this chapter so I could surprise you ; )

Jedi Alex Colbent – My story takes place directly after the events of The Force Awakens

This is the chapter that I've been most nervous about. I've obviously taken some creative liberties to make my fan theory work, but I tried to have it fit within canon as much as possible. I hope you all enjoy it!

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" _You bastard!"_

The sheer intensity of her rage through their linked caused Kylo to lose his concentration, allowing the dueling-droid he was sparing with to make contact with his arm, searing black fabric and flesh. Pain coursed through his body. He had been taking his time with the droid to build strength, but now he quickly dispatched it. Groaning, Kylo belted his lightsaber, and griped his wound. He had never felt Rey's emotions like this before. There was anger, enough to rival his own on a bad day, but other emotions as well; sadness, confusion, surprise, betrayal. She _knew_.

Flinging open the door to his room, he wasn't surprised to see her there. Rey stood rigid, her hands bawled up into fists, tears streaming down her face.

"Take that ridiculous thing off!" she yelled in frustration. Kylo simply stood there looking at her for a moment, before finally relenting, and reaching up to take off his mask. He watched her silently, waiting.

"He's told me. Luke, he's told me _everything_." Rey managed through clenched teeth.

"And what is it that you think you know?" Outwardly Kylo managed to feign indignance, though she could feel the torrent of emotions begin to roll off of him.

"Oh spare me the act!" Rey scoffed. "You've lied, about everything… _Ben Solo_."

Enraged, Kylo strode towards her. He leaned down till his face was only inches from hers.

"Ben Solo is dead!" Each word was spoken slowly, punctuated with venom. Rey laughed bitterly

"That was the plan wasn't it?"

 **-Earlier-**

"Please, I can explain!" Rey stammered as Luke walked towards where she stood at the cliff's edge.

"How long have you been in contact with Kylo Ren?" He asked her simply. Rey was confused. She couldn't sense any anger from Luke, only concern, and sadness.

"Since I arrived. Something happened to us. He was interrogating me on Starkiller Base, trying to get the map to your location. He went into my mind, to try and get it, but he didn't learn anything I swear! I looked into his mind, fought him off, I kept what I knew from him!" Rey's voice was desperate. She thought Luke would yell at her; tell her to leave, that he didn't want to be her teacher anymore.

"So now you're linked." Luke seemed to be speaking to himself, looking past Rey entirely. "Has he told you anything?" He wanted information on the First Order?

"No, no I haven't seen anything. I haven't gotten anything useful against the First Order I swear to you." Luke's brows furrowed, and he seemed to be thinking hard about something. Would he think she was a traitor? That she was working with Ren? Finally he let out a long sigh, his eyes closing.

"Rey, I'm so sorry, I've lied to you." He looked up at her then, his eyes apologetic. "I've lied to you since you arrived here, and I've been lying to others a lot longer than that." He looked utterly defeated. A man burdened by too many things.

"Wha-what?" Even as Rey asked, she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer.

"Sit, we need to start at the beginning." Hesitantly Rey walked over to Luke, who had taken a seat on the large stone. The scene around her no longer felt calming. The constant crashing of the waves was beginning to make her anxious. She felt as if she were drowning in uncertainty. "After my father's death, I sought to establish balance. I wanted to create a new generation of Jedi. I went to many Systems, looking for children who were sensitive to the force, to train them. I brought them all together, made them my padawans. Among these children, was my sister's child, Ben." Luke paused momentarily at the mention of his nephew. Rey didn't understand why he was telling her this. She already knew the story of Kylo Ren, Leia had tearfully explained her son's fall to the dark side. Luke collected himself, and began again. "Ben was always very gifted. Leia sent him to train with me when he was still young, and he was quite upset about it for a long time, he felt abandoned. To comfort him, I would tell him stories. Stories about my past, my training, stories about Han, about Leia, and about my father." _Darth Vader._ The image of the burnt helmet she had seen via Kylo came to Rey's mind.

"But Darth Vader was a monster!" Rey said confused. Why would he tell the boy about Darth Vader?

"Darth Vader was a monster yes, but Anakin Skywalker was not. My father had a destiny, to bring balance to the force. His love for my mother drove him to the dark side. After she died, he let the darkness consume him. He did terrible things, I know that Rey. But in his final moments, my father chose to embrace his destiny and turn to the light. He killed his Sith master, saving my life, saving countless lives. My father died Anakin Skywalker, not Darth Vader." Rey sat in stunned silence.

"But Kylo he…he wants to _be_ Darth Vader?"

"In a way yes. He clung on to the stories of my father. Of the Jedi who was born to bring balance to the force." Luke said, his eyes hardening. "One day Ben came to me. He told me that Snoke was reaching out to him through the force. He was trying to seduce Ben to the dark side, seeing his potential. Ben's training, it took another turn after that point. I saw-I saw an opportunity…" Luke seemed unable to say the words. Realization struck Rey like a blow to the chest.

"You let Snoke have him." Rey whispered in horror.

"The First Order was growing. There was still so much terror in the galaxy, so much darkness. It's our responsibility to bring balance; to right the atrocities committed. Ben agreed to it completely. Snoke is smart. He never lets anyone close to him. He's always hiding in the shadows, sending his puppets to do his dirty work. This makes him nearly impossible to kill. As his apprentice, Ben would have access to Snoke, our only chance at ending the Sith."

"But Leia?! And Han! H-he murdered his own father!" Rey exclaimed, jumping to her feet. She felt uneasy, like she had been caught in one of the waves, tumbling endlessly. Luke didn't meet her eye.

"We agreed that the only way this would work, was that it had to be as convincing as possible. No one could know. Rey, Ben couldn't just pretend to join Snoke, he had to truly give himself over to the dark side. It wouldn't work any other way; Snoke would be able to sense it. I had to have faith in him, to trust that he wouldn't be consumed with the darkness like my father was for so long. You and I are the only ones who really know what happened. Leia and Han never knew. To anyone else, Ben Solo was seduced by the darkness, and became Kylo Ren. And truly for all I know, he may very well have joined the dark side. Killing Han...it was either a test he felt he needed to pass, or Ben really is lost to us." For the first time, Rey felt angry with Luke.

"So you let them believe their son betrayed them?! You sent a boy on a suicide mission!" She yelled, her voice cracking as tears began to spill from her eyes. Ben had only been a boy. How could he agree to this? He gave up his life, his family. The world would only ever see him as a monster, like his grandfather. She realized all at once that the loneliness she had felt on Jakku was only a fraction of what it must have felt like for Ben. She had deluded herself for years believing she had a loving family that would return for her one day, that all she needed to do was wait for them. Ben, he had a family who loved him, a home. Despite that, he chose to give it all up, to sacrifice his soul for the greater good. She wondered how isolating, how torturous that had to have felt.

Suddenly Rey remember the vision that she had after touching Luke's lightsaber.

"When we were at Maz Kanata's castle, your lightsaber called to me, it showed me a vision of Kylo Ren slaughtering Jedi." She had told Luke of her vision before, but he hadn't said much. Now she understood why. Luke's eyes began to fill with tears.

"Kylo Ren came to the temple with his Knights of Ren. Snoke had ordered him to destroy the remaining Jedi. It was a test, one he had no choice but to pass. We tried to defend ourselves, but they were all too young, too inexperienced. He killed them. I would have been convinced that Ben had fallen to the dark side, had he not spared my life, and…" Luke looked at Rey pointedly. Her brows furrowed in confusion, not understanding. "Rey, do you truly not remember?" She stumbled backwards, shocked by his words. She felt like she was going to be sick.

 **-Now-**

"Yes, that was the plan." He said sneering at her. "Ben Solo had to die, so Kylo Ren could be born. It was the only way to fulfill my destiny. _I_ must bring balance to the force! I will finish what my grandfather started! It's my family's legacy." Rey could only shake her head in disbelief. Surely there had to have been another way.

"You gave up your soul."

"Yes." He agreed solemnly. "It had to be done."

"You've known this whole time who I was."

He shook his head, gaze softening slightly. "No, I had no idea who your family was. I only knew they weren't coming for you."

It had been just after Ben left to join Snoke. Luke brought a small girl to the temple. Luke explained to Rey that Obi Wan Kenobi came to him through the force. Told him that in a moment of weakness, after the fall of the Jedi, he had sought comfort with one of Padmé's handmaidens, Sabé. He had gotten to know the handmaiden, who assumed the position of decoy for the real queen, while stranded together on Tatooine. Obi Wan met Sabé again during Padmé's funeral. He never knew that she conceived a child during their night together.

Later in life, Obi Wan's daughter, Rey's mother, joined the Resistance. Unfortunately, Rey's parents died at the hands of the First Order, shortly after her birth. Through the force, Obi Wan led Luke to his granddaughter, who was already showing great potential. Luke took the young child to be raised as a Jedi.

"Why did you save me?" Rey's voice was weak, exhausted. There had been too many revelations, too many lies.

"I was never supposed to see you again." He said, speaking mainly to himself. The truth was out, and suddenly he had the urge to unburden himself to her, as if it would cleanse his blackened soul. Slowly, he reached out and took Rey's hand, raising it up to rest on the side of his face. She didn't pull away. He wasn't trying to read her mind this time, he was opening his up to her completely.

 _Flashes of a boy with dark hair, crying, holding on to his uncle, saying goodbye. "I'll make it right, uncle Luke, I promise! I'll be the greatest Jedi that ever lived!" The boy had taken on the weight of his grandfather's failure. He would become the new Chosen One._

 _The boy is given the burnt helmet of Darth Vader. It is meant to act as his display of admiration for his grandfather, a ruse to fool Snoke_. Rey sees it as a cruel parting gift.

 _That boy, older now, with a different name. He walks through the rain, in the ruins of his old home, cutting down Jedi in his path. Rage, pain, darkness coursing through his veins. He thinks of Darth Vader. That is who he must become to fulfill his destiny. He must not think of Anakin Skywalker. He must not think of his parents._

 _He enters a stone building, bodies litter the floor where his Knights have purged it of the young Jedi padawans. He looks at their faces. He feels dizzy, his hands shake._

 _A cry. He hears it coming from outside. The rain is coming down heavily. Walking around the back he sees one of the Knights of Ren alone, cornering a child. His lightsaber is up, ready to end her life. She cries, terrified. Kylo doesn't think, he plunges his lightsaber through the attacker's chest. He had been weak. He let the light in._

 _The child is still crying as he walks up to her, terrified of his appearance, of his mask. It was better that way. She should only remember him as the monster that he is. He waves a hand past her face, and the girl is asleep instantly. He picks her up, carries her until he finds the Knight he's looking for, one especially good at manipulating the mind. "Take the child. Wipe her mind. Place her somewhere the Resistance will never find her. She is strong with the force, she may be of use to us later." Inside Kylo feels apprehension as he hands the child over. He still wants to protect her. Weak._

 _Ben Solo must not be allowed to exist._

 _Years pass. The boy was a man now. Colder, more ruthless than he ever had been. He is full of doubt. After all this time, he had never been able to accomplish what he had been sent to do. He was a failure. He wondered if it had all been for nothing. He had given up everything for the Jedi, for the light. Why should he tear himself apart? He replaces his doubt with anger. He lets the darkness in._

"Ben..." His name comes out as a whimper. His emotions are so strong, she can barely speak. The tears he sheds are hot as they hit the hand she still has on his face.

He was breathing hard, desperately trying to hold it together. He had managed to bury himself for so long in the darkness. Rey embodied the part of himself that he wanted to forget. The weak little boy, who only wanted to save everyone. He had become accustomed to the darkness. Hiding his regrets, the things that would haunt him forever. Rey's light exposed things he didn't want to see. He didn't know if he could survive facing his demons.

All of Rey's anger seemed to go away as she looked into his eyes, dark and full of despair. In that moment, Kylo Ren was gone. He was the boy again, lost and afraid. Rey was reminded of herself. Of the many nights she had felt as he did now; scared and alone. She wasn't sure why, but she had an overwhelming urge to comfort him.

She moved her hands to the back of his neck, and pulled him close. He was taller, so she could only rest her face against his chest. Ben stood there for a moment holding his breath, stunned and unsure how to take her sudden affection. Her warmth spread through his body. It had been years-another life entirely-since anyone had shown him an ounce of tenderness; had treated him like he was human. His sigh was one of relief as he slowly wrapped his arms around her.

They stood intertwined, momentarily enjoying the comfort they had both longed to feel for some time.


	6. Change

Hello everyone! I'm so sorry it took me a while to update, things have been a little crazy with the holidays. I hope everyone is having a very wonderful New Year! Here's just a short little chapter to tide you over till things pick up.

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In that moment, for the first time, Ben let himself imagine how things could have been. Maybe he could have been a Jedi; could have been the son his parents deserved; could have held Rey as he did now, without having to let her go.

But that wasn't his life, it never would be. It was too late.

"Rey, you need to go." He said, forcing himself to pull away from her warmth. She looked up at him confused. "I can't be the man you wish I was. I've been conflicted for so long, but now I have to be sure. In two days time, Snoke will begin training me personally. If I waver, he'll sense it. He can already sense it. Remembering who I was before, you being here…it makes me feel too much, makes me weak. I've given up everything for this. I can't risk it now." Slowly Rey realized what he was saying.

"If you go after Snoke alone, there's no way you're getting out! You'll die!" Rey's voice was filled with panic. Ben would be lying if he said he didn't appreciate it.

"I know. Making it out alive was never part of the plan." He said darkly. If someone would have told Rey only days ago that she would be worried about Kylo Ren, she would have told them to go walk into the nearest pit of sinking sand.

"Ben—" Her words were cut short as his knuckles softly grazed the side of her cheek, his attempt at curtailing any argument. The motion was so gentle it took her by surprise. He was staring down at her, his dark eyes filled with a mixture of emotions.

Conflicted feelings swirled in them both. Only yesterday they each considered the other the bane of their existences. But now, there was something else to their connection, something deeper. Her light was utterly intoxicating to all the parts he wanted to forget. Like someone banished to a prison cell, never being able to see the sun, we wanted to bathe in her presence for as long as he was able. Without even fully realizing what he was doing, Ben brought his fingers underneath her chin, tipping her head back. Rey's breath caught in her throat, knowing where this was going, but not being able to pull away. The air between them was heavy, electric. His lips were on hers then, and it sent shivers coursing through her body. Through the force, their connection seemed to hum pleasantly. Mentally Rey wanted to pull away, not being able to justify this moment, but instinctually his lips felt so _right_. She sighed, enjoying the feeling lips brought despite everything. She didn't seem to be in control of her body any longer.

Ben felt like a man in a desert, having just been given a small drop of water. The small amount he got of her was almost cruel. He sucked on her bottom lip, greedy and desperate for more. Rey almost felt herself inclined to give him just that, but he suddenly wrenched himself away from her, coming to his senses. Ben stepped back, not trusting himself to be within arms reach of her. They both stood there for a moment in shock. Neither of them had expected things to escalate at all, much less that quickly. Rey felt hot all over, her head spinning. Before, she had no desire to be intimate with him, but now that she had, it was as if her body _needed_ to feel his against hers. Ben would have been lying if he said he didn't feel the same. Something between them had changed drastically.

"I should have never let it get this far!" Ben bit out, breathing heavily. He was doing as he had been taught, transforming any emotion he felt into anger. He could blame this on her, he had to blame it on her. He needed to make himself be angry with Rey. She was ruining everything.

"What?" Rey couldn't help but fill a bit hurt and confused. He shook his head, trying to lift the fog he seemed to be in. He refused to look at her. Suddenly through their connection, Rey saw flashes of images.

 _Ben pouring over various archives. Reading for hours._

 _He was searching, desperately searching for something…_

It didn't click until she felt herself being forced out of his mind.

"No…" Rey said in disbelief. He had been trying to figure out how to sever their connection.

"It's the only way. I can't have you in my head Rey, especially now." His tone was hard, but she could feel a mixture of regret and sadness rolling off of him.

"No! We can find another way to defeat The First Order! Come home!" She was pleading with him now. She knew it would be hard, but she thought maybe he could still be accepted. Perhaps if everyone knew why he had done the things he had. He chuckled darkly.

"You still don't get it." He mused, reading her mind. "I embraced the darkness. The things I've done, they can't be undone, or forgiven." She was desperately trying to keep their connection, but everything was becoming blurry. She had to think quickly, how she could help him. It was extremely painful, and took all her energy, but she pushed further into his mind. "What are you looking for?" He snapped, sweat beginning to form as he attempted to push her out. She could feel her grip on him slipping, when suddenly she found the image she needed; a map. It was the map to his destination. To Snoke. She held onto the image with all her willpower as he finally pushed her out.

Rey was gone, and it was as if the last remaining vestiges of light had gone with her. He was left alone in the cold, darkness consuming him. Ben Solo was gone. He was Kylo Ren once again.


	7. Magnets

" _Don't be afraid. I feel it too..."_

His words echoed in her head hot and heavy, like remembering whispers in a fever dream. When Ben had uttered them to her during his interrogation, she'd been afraid and angry, she hadn't been able to hear the meaning beneath them. Rey was sure now that he meant the pull the force seemed to be exerting, bringing them together like the opposite ends of two magnets. He had been able to feel it before she had. Ben was attracted to her steady light. It was like his beacon in the darkness. Rey would be lying if she said there wasn't something about his passion that immensely appealed to her. " _Balance_." Something deep and primal told her. Rey shook her head of the thoughts.

"No." she thought sternly, "I'll try to save Ben Solo, because I think he deserves a second chance, but that's it." Just as soon as the thought was finished, she began remember the feel of his lips. It was as if her body was rebelling against her, calling her a liar. She swallowed hard, eyes closing. Her fingers traced her lower lip, remembering the taste of him. Her body ached for Ben. Ached to feel his intense gaze, his hands, his body pressed tightly against hers…

Angry, Rey swatted at the mug that had been resting on the table, sending the remnants of her sapir tea flying across the Falcon. "Damn him. Damn him. Damn him." She was yelling in her mind as she went to get something to clean it up with. She hoped in vein he would hear her. "How did this even happen?" She thought; _not_ referring to the spilled tea.

"Rey?" Luke called worriedly, coming to stand and look at the scene. Before her outburst, everyone had been asleep in the Falcon as it headed towards its destination.

 **-Earlier-**

"Master Luke!" She yelled, running to the Jedi who sat in meditation within the remains of a temple. He looked up at her expectantly, but didn't make a move to get up. "He's going to do it." She panted, "Ben, he's going after Snoke!" She focused solely on the larger picture, trying not to think about the kiss, and Ben shutting her out.

"Good." Luke said slowly, a grimace on his face.

"Good?!" Rey was aghast. " _If_ he can even manage to do it, he's alone with no back up. He'll never leave alive!" Luke sighed sadly.

"I know that Rey. I love my nephew, but this was his choice. I have to be at peace with the decision."

"His choice? I highly doubt a boy would come up with a grand scheme like this all on his own." She snapped. A slight wave of guilt washed over her at Luke's pained expression.

"Rey, what does the beginning of the Jedi Code say?"

"There is no emotion, there is peace." She sighed in frustration, closing her eyes tightly. If she were meant to feel no emotion, she was doing a terrible job.

"Yes. Ben is completing his destiny, to bring balance. I want to help him, of course I do, but I have to put the needs of the galaxy above my own." Rey bit the side of her cheek. There were too many non-Jedi like things she wished to say at the moment. She stood there in silence, thinking hard on what to do. Ultimately, she knew the right decision.

"Master, I know I came here to complete my training as your Padawan, but I have to go. I want Ben to destroy Snoke just as much as anyone, but I also can't leave him to die. If I fail trying to help him that's one thing; but not trying to help him at all? I can't justify that with myself. I have to at least try." Rey was pleading with Luke to understand. The old Jedi considered her words for a moment. After what felt like an eternity to Rey, he gave her a small smile.

"I do miss my sister." He began, "And I owe her the truth."

 **-Currently-**

"I'm sorry Master Luke, I didn't mean to wake you." Rey was anxious. They had left immediately once the decision was made, but it would take a day to get to Leia. That meant that Ben would be alone with Snoke for two days before they could reach him. She had tried repeatedly to break down whatever barrier he had thrown up around his mind, but she couldn't. At times she would repeat the same mantra towards the wall in their connection, "I'm coming for you, don't do anything stupid until I get there." If he could hear her, then maybe he would wait and she could help him. Otherwise, she at least felt better trying.

"You're troubled." It wasn't a question. The old Jedi sat down at the table. Rey took a seat opposite Luke, but didn't look at him. "It's about Ben, but not about his situation with Snoke." Rey's head snapped up. Had he been reading her mind?

"No, I mean yes, but I—" She tried, but the words wouldn't come. How could she justify this to Luke? How would anyone ever understand Rey letting herself feel something for Kylo Ren of all people? She couldn't tell anyone what had happened between them. Luke gave her a knowing look.

"Rey, these-these feelings are only natural." Rey turned red and squirmed awkwardly in her seat. "Attraction is a human response. However, Jedi are forbidden from attachments. You know this. It's a choice that has to be made. My father turned to the dark side because he went against the code. He loved my mother so desperately, that the thought of losing her drove him over the edge. It isn't an easy choice to follow the path of a Jedi, I know, but its necessary." Rey furrowed her brow, troubled at Luke's words.

"I understand Master Luke." It wasn't an answer, Rey knew that, but it would have to do for now. Luke nodded in understanding. Giving Rey a reassuring pat on the shoulder, he made his way back to bed. Rey sat alone once again. She was more confused now than ever about what exactly she wanted.

" _I'm being torn apart." He heard himself saying to his father, Han Solo, who stood before him now. Ben Solo wanted to run to him. Tell him how sorry he was; tell him that he never stopped loving them, and that he wanted to come home. However in this moment, he was Kylo Ren. Kylo Ren knew he had to kill the man standing in front of him. It was the only way to gain Supreme Leader Snoke's trust. His final test. "Will you help me?" Han Solo stepped forward, hand reaching for Kylo Ren's outstretched lightsaber. "NO! NO!" Ben's mind screamed, but still he couldn't gain control. He had seen this particular scene too many times. He knew how it ended. The sun faded, and with it, the last remaining bits of light inside of Kylo Ren._

 _The lightsaber ignited._

 _Ben was horrified to see not Han Solo, but Rey in his place. Her lips were parted in a silent gasp, and she looked up at him with such pain at his betrayal. "No…" He gasped out, finally in control. He retracted his lightsaber and caught her falling body, sinking down to the cold metal of the bridge. "Rey!" He sobbed, burying his face in her hair. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"_

Kylo gasped, sitting straight up in bed. His body was drenched in sweat, and he was breathing heavily. "Rey…" his thoughts went to her immediately. Reaching out with the force, he felt for her presence through their connection. She was agitated about something, but otherwise fine. Sighing in relief, Kylo put the walls up around his mind again. He had to keep her out; there was no other way. He lay back down, attempting to steady his nerves. The dream had made him exceedingly uneasy. "As long as she stays away, she's safe." He told himself. He became angry at his own concern for her. Kylo Ren had allowed himself to become weak, and all because of some little scavenging desert rat from Jakku. What did she matter?

Memories of their kiss invaded his mind. He had been with women before. There were plenty willing to throw themselves at him for his status alone. He had taken a few up on their offers of comfort, believing he would benefit both from the release, and that it brought him closer to the dark side. But Rey, she was different. Kissing her was an indescribably overwhelming sensation. His light and dark impulses seemed to meld together in that moment, leaving no conflict within his soul. He had never wanted anyone as much as he wanted her. When she was gone, he no longer felt that peace. She mattered, as much as he wanted to lie to himself and say she didn't.

Closing his eyes, he was assaulted with images of her. How she would look splayed out on his bed, her eyes full of desire. How it would feel to kiss every inch of her skin. His body pressed against hers…Kylo groaned in frustration. How could he have allowed her this much power over him? A woman he would never have, never see again. Laying there staring up at the ceiling, his darker impulses took over. He decided he would allow himself to think of her, but only for tonight.

"I'm a dead man anyway."


	8. Not Quite Right

**Hi everyone! I just wanted to apologize for making you wait this long for update :/ I've been having some issues with some family members help, along with my last semester of undergrad starting back. The combined stress of that gave me a pretty bad case of writer's block, but I'm happy to say I've found inspiration again! So thank you to everyone who has stuck with me, and all the wonderful reviews, favs, and follows. I hope you enjoy this chapter, I'm already starting on the next one! :)**

Rey stood deathly still, attempting to make herself appear invisible in the small, cold metal room that she, master Luke, and Leia stood in. She refused to look up at them as Luke told his sister everything. The truth about Ben's betrayal, his part in it all, his regret. Luke had told Rey he wanted her there, to explain to Leia about her connection with Ben, and her plan to bring him home; but Rey was wishing she was anywhere but in the current situation.

As Luke finished, Leia didn't speak. Through the force Rey could feel the emotions rolling off of the General; pain, grief, sadness, betrayal, rage. The uncomfortable silence was broken, making Rey jumped slightly at the sound of skin making contact with skin. Leia Organa had slapped her brother hard across the face. Rey didn't blame her.

"All these years, you hid away like a coward, while my son was out there! While you kept the truth from us! I had been so afraid Snoke would seduce him over to the darkness, but all along it was you, you're the reason he left! The reason he left me! Left Ha-" Leia couldn't finish his name, overtaken by her grief. Tears stung the corners of Rey's eyes. It was selfish she knew, but in that moment Rey realized with some bitterness that she would never have the mother she had dreamed about. She imaged her mother like Leia; heartbroken because Rey couldn't be with her. Vowing to come back one day and take her away from Jakku, to love and care for her. There was no one like Leia waiting for her. Those years with nothing but hopes and dreams for company had been wasted.

"Yes." Luke's voice was barely above a whisper, but he looked his sister in the eyes. "Everything that's happened, I helped create. I betrayed not only you, my sister, but my dearest friend as well. Leia, I don't expect you to forgive me, I don't deserve your forgiveness. I know what Ben's done, but I haven't given up hope that he can still be saved." Leia considered Luke's words for a moment, then turned to Rey.

"I just want to know how to bring my son home." Rey stared into Leia's eyes. She was so full of sadness, desperation, and yet there was the faintest glimmer of hope. Rey may never have gotten a chance at a reunion with her family, but she would make sure Ben Solo would. Not just for his sake, but for Leia's as well.

As soon as Leia had left to be alone, she excused herself from Master Luke to do the same. People buzzed about the Resistance base, making her head spin. She walked through the door headed outside and breathed in fresh air, letting it clear her head. The planet they were on was covered in forest, much like Takodana had been. Rey wasn't quite sure where she was going, but her feet seemed to. As she walked through the dense woods that sat close to the base, her thoughts wandered to the first time she had met Kylo Ren. He had chased her, toyed with her. Rey remembered being so afraid of him. It seemed like a lifetime ago, and unbearably laughable that he was the one she was trying to save now. Doubt crept inside of her as she thought about the task that lay ahead. Could she really save him? She had never promised Leia anything, only said that she would try, but she wasn't sure she could face the woman again without her son. He wasn't even talking to her anymore! He could be dead now...

No, he wasn't. She may not be able to communicate with him, but she could still feel his lingering presence. Like a ghost. Instinctually she licked her lower lip where he had sucked greedily, desperate for her. Rey stopped walking, her eyes closing, and breath heavy. She tried to push those _particular_ thoughts of him away.

When she opened her eyes, she was startled by the familiarity of her surroundings. A clearing in the woods, with a large log from a fallen tree, covered in dense moss. She had seen this in a dream; their dream. Even alone she couldn't seem to escape him. Hesitantly Rey walked over to the large log. She thought of all the times a young Ben might have been in this same place. A feeling of loneliness swept over her, and she found herself feeling unbearably tired. Rey sat down against the soft ground and laid her head against the moss covered wood.

The dense forest felt like a cocoon. She could see why he would like it here. Rey closed her eyes. A single tear trickled down her cheek as she thought over everything that had happened the past few months.

She felt lost. When she had been on Jakku, still living in the fantasy world she had built for herself, she had a fire inside of her. That flame of hope burning bright had kept her going. But ever since leaving Jakku, learning the truth, that flame had slowly started to dim. Rey felt like she had no direction. She might as well be out in space floating around. Training with Master Luke didn't help ease this feeling. There had been many nights she lay awake wondering if she had really wanted to be a Jedi, or simply pursued the path because she had nothing else.

"You have a lot of anxiety for a Jedi." Rey gasped hearing Ben's voice beside her. He was leaning against the log as well, staring down at her with a fond look. Here he was in front of her like he had been many times before, and yet, something about it felt different.

"Are you alright? Are you with Snoke?" Rey asked frantically, turning to him. She surprised even herself that she reached out to grip his arm. Ben looked down at her hand, then slowly back up at her with a calm smile on his face. Something about the look in his eyes sent a small shiver down Rey's spine. It wasn't a pleasant shiver, like she had gotten before they had kissed.

"I'm fine. I won't be seeing Snoke for a few hours." His voice was too casual. It didn't hold the usual moodiness. Rey's brows furrowed in confusion.

"Then what are you doing here?" He didn't answer her right away. Instead, he brought up a cold gloved hand to gently cup the side of her face.

"Rey..." The voice that came out of his mouth was familiar, one she had heard before; but it wasn't Ben.

Rey gasped, sitting up suddenly. Looking around she found herself alone. The sky seemed a bit darker now than it had been moments ago. She had fallen asleep.

"It was a dream." She assured herself, but still tried to reach out to Ben through their connection. She was hit with the usual brick wall he kept up around his consciousness, but the thrum of his life force told her he was alive at least.

Rey got to her feet, shivering as the cool air hit her sweaty skin. She started back towards the base. Hoping that Finn, Poe, and BB-8 were finally back from the mission they had been sent on earlier. She was anxious to see her friends, but even more anxious to get going. Something felt wrong.

Kylo Ren stood in front of a large pane of transparisteel, looking out at the the planet that housed Supreme Leader Snoke. A twinge of fear gripped him. He knew what he had to do, he just wasn't sure if he would have the strength to do it.

"That's what you thought before you killed Han Solo. Your own father. If there's one thing you're good at, it's killing. Murderer...Monster." The voice in his head sneered. Kylo's gloved hand tightened on the hilt of his lightsaber. It took all of his strength not to slash up the room. Some part of him wasn't sure why he was even worried about making it out alive. What did he have after this? He would be hunted down not only by the Resistance, but The First Order as well. Would he run and hide for the rest of his days?

"Sir, your ship is ready to depart." The stormtrooper's words interrupted his thoughts momentarily. He wasn't sure why he did it, but in that moment he felt for Rey through the force. It wasn't enough to let her in, but just for him to feel whether she was alright. He might begrudgingly admit he was beginning to miss that scavenger. Finally Kylo turned, walking straight past the stormtrooper and heading for the ship that would take him to Snoke.


	9. Note

Hi everyone! I just wanted to take the time to thank every single one of you for the love and support you've given me on this story! It means so much you don't even know. I also wanted to apologize. I'm so very sorry I haven't kept up with it, and made you all wait so long for each chapter. I feel unimaginably guilty for that. I've had some personal issues the past month which has made writing really difficult for me. Any excuse I give you doesn't feel like enough. Just know that I am sorry, and that I am by no means giving up on this story! I hate what authors do that with fics that I like, so I don't intend on doing that to you! My updating may be slow but I promise it'll come eventually!

I can only hope you all understand, and won't hate me too much. The next chapter will be out as soon as possible I promise. Thank you again for the support!


	10. Old Friends

Whaaaaat I actually updated?! Oh my gosh! First we get Daisy Ridley liking a Reylo fanart on Insta, and now I'm writing another chapter. Miracles right?=D Thank you all so much for the supportive, understanding messages. I really truly appreciate it. And as I said, I have not given up on this story! We're starting to get to all the juicy stuff. *rubs hands together*

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With every step Rey took back to the Base, the knot forming in the pit of her stomach grew.

"It's was just a nightmare!" She told herself angrily. Even as the thought had finished, doubt settled in again. It hadn't felt like a normal nightmare. It was like the dream she and Ben had shared, but it was twisted, wrong somehow. What if Ben was trying to communicate with her? Tell her he was in trouble? The sound of people brought her out of her thoughts. The Base was busy, pilots running around preparing their ships for whatever missions they had been given. Rey felt the pull of the force suddenly, guiding her movements, just in time to narrowly miss the excited droid that would have bowled her over.

"BB-8!" For a moment all of her worries disappeared. Rey had missed the little droid terribly. BB-8 beeped and booped back a frantic, happy response.

"Yes I know, I've been away too long. Of course I've missed you!" Rey laughed genuinely for the first time in a while. Then, her heart stopped when she heard him.

"Rey?!" _Finn._ Whipping around, Rey saw Finn running towards her. They collided together, wrapping around each other as if they had known one another for a lifetime. Besides BB-8, Finn had been her first true friend. He had come back for her.

"I've missed you so much!" Finn said earnestly into her hair. Tears sprang into Rey's eyes. She wasn't used to being missed.

"I've missed you too Finn." She said with as much conviction as he had, hugging him tighter. "You're alright!" There was a tone of questioning as she pulled away and looked him over. Rey had been so worried leaving him in his broken state, never knowing if he would truly heal.

"I've had a few modifications, but yeah I'm alright. No thanks to that psycho." _Back to reality._ Rey wasn't sure what to say. She couldn't very well disagree with Finn, he had a point, but she didn't feel exactly right calling Ben a psycho either. Rey had a sinking feeling that constantly being caught in the middle was going to become a problem. How could she possibly explain her mission to him? How could he possibly be alright with her wanting to go rescue the very man who had wounded him, tried to kill him? "I have so much to tell you Rey. And I'm sure you have quite a few things to tell me too huh? I bet you can do some crazy Jedi stuff." He said wriggling his eyebrows playfully.

"Oh-no, not really-I mean-" She stammered. _"Does being inside Kylo Ren's mind for a couple months count?"_

"Well, look who's back! How you doing Rey?" Poe called from behind Finn, walking up to join them. She was glad for the interruption.

"Hi Poe." She smiled at the pilot. "It's going…well…complicated." Rey said looking away. BB-8 beeped in confusion, Finn and Poe shared a look of apprehension.

"Rey, what's going on?" Finn was hesitant, but there was a hint of protectiveness in his voice.

"It would probably be best if General Organa explained."

* * *

As Leia finished her briefing, Rey tried hard to read the expressions on Finn and Poe's faces. At best they seemed reluctant.

"This mission is one of personal interest to me. That's why I'm not ordering you to do it." Leia spoke directly to Poe now. He was her most trusted pilot, and in many ways Rey thought, perhaps a surrogate son. "I know the odds are against him—against us. We don't even know where to start looking. But I know you Poe. If anyone can get in, and get out again, it's you. Like I said, it's your choice. Please, don't think I'll judge you if you decide not to help. I understand that Ben has done terrible things. He became so lost in his mission, that he let the darkness take over. I know he has done terrible things to you. But—" Leia's voice cracked then. The Princess, the General, who had always been so strong in the face of adversity, was feeling lost. "But he is my son. Still, even now, I love him." Poe's gaze softened. He cared deeply about this woman, whom he had idolized since he was a child. However, he still wasn't sure if he was ready to risk his life for her undeserving son. Rey glanced at Master Luke. He was in the corner staring at his sister with a look of adoration and sadness.

"Will you let me think on it for a bit, General?" Poe's voice was gentle, barely above a whisper. Leia gave him a reassuring smile

"Of course." With a nod of his head Poe turned and walked towards the door. BB-8 and Finn followed closely behind. Rey felt uncomfortable. She wasn't sure whether she should stick close to her Master, or follow her friends. But she wasn't even sure if they would want to speak to her.

"Go." Luke said, suddenly at her side, reading her thoughts. "I'm sure they'll have questions, and I need to meditate." Meditating was something Master Luke did very often. Rey wondered what the ghosts of the force had to say about this situation. She had attempting to contact her grandfather on a handful of occasions, but nothing ever came of it. Rey was extremely nervous what Finn and Poe would have to say. She almost offered to meditate with Luke instead. "I'm hoping to discern Ben's location. We can't help him if we don't know where to look."

"I know. I've been trying to push through his barriers, but I haven't gotten anywhere." Rey sighed discouraged. Luke put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"Keep trying Rey, and I will too." She gave him a weak smile in return. After Luke left the room, Rey realized she was alone. In the middle of the room was a holoprojector, displaying a random star chart. She wasn't sure why, but she felt the sudden urge to go over to it. Abruptly, a thought that seemed like her own, but somehow wasn't, urged her to reach forward and press in a series of coordinates. The hologram changed to show a system that she wasn't familiar with. Rey smiled widely. Perhaps, the force was finally talking back.

Suddenly Rey felt as if she were falling. The scenery around her twisting and melting into something else. She had felt this only once before, on Takodana, when she had touched Luke's lightsaber. She was having a vision.

* * *

-Horuset System-

Ben Solo had felt the heavy weight of the dark side as soon as his ship breached the atmosphere of Moraband, ancient homeworld of the Sith. This shroud of darkness only increased as his boots touched the earth of the wasteland. Countless Dark Lords were buried here. Their bodies had long since decayed, but their very essence was so thick in the air, you could practically choke on it. He felt like rolling his eyes at the cliché. Of course Snoke would be here. _Snoke._ He was so close to getting his revenge. He had only ever been Snoke's puppet. Invisible strings being pulled from unknown destinations. Finally he would be on the same planet, in the same room. Ben had been so wrapped up in his thoughts, he hadn't noticed the man standing at the end of the platform.

"Ah Ren, a pleasure to see you again." Said Hux with a smirk. Ben stopped suddenly in surprise, only causing Hux's smirk to widen. Ben thanked the stars he had commissioned a new helmet be made immediately after losing his old one on Starkiller Base. Otherwise Hux would have seen the look of shock that didn't at all match the casual tone he tried to project.

"General Hux, I can honestly say I'm surprised to see you here. I wasn't aware The Supreme Leader made you privy to his whereabouts." He was trying to get under Hux's skin, and it had worked. A look of outraged pasted the man's face before it was quickly contorted back into a controlled state.

"I am _privy_ to many things." There was dangerous look in his eyes, and Hux's words carried a weight to them that made a knot form in Ben's stomach. "I was instructed to take you to the Supreme Leader at once." He turned on his heels quickly without another look in Ben's direction. He followed in silence, apprehension growing. He didn't know why Hux was there, but he did know one thing, it was going to make this a lot harder.


	11. The Vision

Whaaat? Two chapters in the same day? I'm on a roll I guess :D

* * *

Darkness. She was surrounded by a thick, deafening, darkness. Rey's breathing and heart rate quickened. It was suffocating.

"Rey." A voice. It wasn't Ben. It was a voice from another vision. The darkness began to lift slowly. Slowly she realized she was watching the sun rise over a dessert wasteland. Despite this, it only seemed to provide the faintest light of her surroundings. The eerie feel of this place made Jakku seem welcoming. "Rey." Spinning around to find the owner of the voice, Rey was surprised to see a man around the same age as Master Luke.

"Who are you?" Rey asked hesitantly. The man gave her a small smile.

"Family." Her heart nearly leapt out of her chest. _Family._ She had been waiting for this moment since she was a child. To be reunited with her family.

"You're Obi Wan Kenobi? My grandfather?" She could barely contain her excitement.

"Yes Rey."

"But—I don't understand? I've been trying to contact you?" She stammered. He gave a light-hearted chuckle.

"Your mind isn't as quiet as you think. Especially when it's being shared with another." Rey hid her face at his pointed gaze. "It's alright. I haven't come here to chide you, but to warn you." Her head snapped up at his words. Brows furrowed in confusion.

"Warn me?"

"I know of your plan, to rescue Ben Solo from an almost certain death."

"You're going to tell me not to do it." She interrupted.

"You didn't let me finish." He fixed his steely gaze on her. "You must do all you can to save him. Bring him to the light. But you must do it alone."

"Alone? I can't do this alone! My friends-"

"Your friends will die." Rey gasped, taking a step back. No! She could _never_ put their lives in danger. The wasteland behind her seemed to pulsate with some sort of heinous energy she couldn't describe. She wanted more than anything to leave this place. "Look at it Rey." Obi Wan pointed out to the horizon. Suddenly hundreds of dead bodies appeared before her. Bloodied, freshly dead from some unknown battle. The wind began to pick up. Mirroring the tempest of emotions she felt. That's when she saw them. Rey gave a cry of anguish and fell to her knees at the sight of Finn, Poe, Luke, and even Leia's bloody pale corpses not far away. She coulnd't escape. The more she looked around, the more people she saw. Chewie, BB-8, R2, on and on.

"No! no!" She screamed covering her eyes. "Stop this, please!"

"To save Ben Solo you must do it alone Rey. If they follow you, they will die. You have to protect them."

"I will! I promise I will. Please just stop this." She begged tearfully. Her vision began to distort. The scene in front of her blurring and melting away.

"You know where to go." It was the last thing he said before disappearing. She was in the darkness again.

The hard floor was the first thing she felt before the room finally came back into view. Rey was knelt beside the holoprojector, sobbing. Frantically she pulled herself up, studying the hologram and coordinates intensely, committing them to memory.

Once she was satisfied that she knew every detail of the map, she erased it.

* * *

Ben was following Hux towards the temple entrance when he was nearly crippled by the emotions that hit him. Her fear, her anguish, was paralyzing. For a fraction of a moment he was tempting to relent, to probe their force bond and find out what was wrong.

He pushed the inclination away immediately.

The scavenger couldn't do this to him now! Not while he was so close! He would be experiencing the tendrils of Snoke's consciousness poking around in his brain soon enough. With each step he felt more and more doubtful that hiding his true intentions from Snoke would work. He had managed it thus far. But with Rey bringing out the truth, and being directly in front of him? He didn't stand a chance.

Ben's suspicion of Hux was also growing with the passing moments. Kylo Ren was the Master of the Knights of Ren. Kylo Ren held Snoke's favor, was Snoke's apprentice. So why did _Hux_ seem to suddenly know more than Kylo Ren himself?

They had had reached the entrance now. Ben attempted to calm his emotions.

The temple seemed to let out a deep sigh as the doors slid open. There was no light inside, just a thick blackness that appeared solid from his point of view. Hux headed through the doors without a word. Ben paused momentarily, hesitant to follow him in. Clenching both his jaw and fists it trepidation, he took a step towards the entrance.


End file.
